The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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