i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
