Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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