I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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