he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
True strength comes from lack of pants
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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