i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
