She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
