I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
