I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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