sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
