I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
