I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
