hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
