take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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