Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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