I'm jealous of your bromance
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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