Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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