Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
