I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have tasted many bathrooms
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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