Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
