I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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