I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
