Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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