Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
