No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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