His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
