HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
