Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
