He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
