just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize