Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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