he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
