just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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