Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
