If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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