So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
