dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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