I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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