North Korea, Best Korea!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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