Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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