this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
