And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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