And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize