just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
