here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
