can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
