Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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