Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
