didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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