1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize