your room smells of hookers.
And success
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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