The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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