I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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