You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize