i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
