You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
