forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
