omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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