he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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