Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
