I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize