If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
