The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My room smells like vodka and shame
my vag is so smooth its legendary
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i dont even know how to be here
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
