My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
