I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
