apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
