spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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