I'm so fucking centered right now
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
