someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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