why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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